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Contributed by Pattie

by Patricia K. Abbott
© 1997 All rights reserved. Used by Permission.

I belong to several support groups for disabled adults. One day some of the soon-to-be mothers were discussing the nifty subject of child-proofing. Those of us who had experience with the phrase "childproof" know that it is indeed a contradiction. We sat back and listened.,Some of the not quite moms had it all figured out, they weren't going to use playpens nor corral type fences because this would restrict the child's freedom and development. All breakables would be out of reach. They had all hazards covered. Their homes would be 100% safe and childproof. This is pretty funny considering the lack of children in their lives thus far. Here are my random thoughts on the subject.

First this little pre-child tidbit. When I was first married, we had a rented house that we shared with another couple, 3 cats and 1 ferret. I was sitting in my living room with my friend Linda, another woman and her toddler. The child was into everything, trashing my house like a small tornado. I left the room for a moment and as the woman stopped her child from pulling on an electrical cord, she turned to Linda and said, " Pattie's house isn't very baby-proof, is it!" Linda looked at her in total amazement and waited for the punchline. When she realized that there was none coming, finally pointed out that "Pattie has no Babies!" Is this scary or what? Moral of the story here; unless it is "grandma's" home you are visiting, don't be surprised if it is not childproofed. Even then bear in mind that granny's kids are long since grown up!

Now for the tale itself...
Child Proofing/ Baby proofing your home.. .Well I did it all! From cabinet atches to outlet covers, to doorknob covers to refridgerator latch to alarms on the doors! I figured I was pretty safe when he was crawling around, he ususally came when called. Life was peaceful but babies grow, fast. When he was nine months old, and just about ready to walk, he taught himself how to climb out of his playpen. My Life changed! I mean how much trouble can he get into, in the minute I was in the bathroom with the door open, ever listening? trust me, He found plenty.

Then 10 months later my 19 month old angel climbed out of his crib. At 5am he wandered around the house ever so quietly, pulling some books and pillows down in the process. He found a video tape and cleverly put it in a bucket of dirty wash water left from the night before. Then my punkin' crept down the hall, by this time I had heard a few small sounds. Ever so slowly he turned the doorknob. Mommy was busy having heart failure thinking someone broke into the house, I had my hand on the phone lifting it to dial 911. The cherub finally got the door open.. and my intruder is less than 2 yrs old, he scared me half to death! I had to reverse the lock on his bedroom door because he learned how to lock himself in. I put gates up outside his door in case he woke up before me as he often did. He learned to climb that gate and so I put another gate on TOP of that one! He learned how to knock them down.

When Christopher was about 3 he wassneaking out of bed in the early morning to turn on the TV. Being a brilliant mom I put a timer on the set so even if he turned it on nothing would happen. Within 3 days he figured out how to bypass the timer. I was starting to get nervous!

At age four, this same angel found my bottles of florescent paint for crafts, he took them behind the couch to test out the cool colors on my rug. I didn't find his artwork for weeks. Once when he was 6 I put him in his room and told him to pick up the toys, he was not to leave the room until I could see the floor. He refused. I was very busy with a publicity job deadline. The baby monitor was still in his room, so I locked him in and said he would stay there this he was 25 or the toys were picked up, whichever came first. Every 10 minutes I went to the door and opened it to see the progress...there wasn't any. He stayed very quiet knowing I could hear him. At one of the 10 minute intervals, I unlocked his door and found it was hanging my one hinge. My young son had found a toy screw driver, he piled some toys and climbed up, and begin taking the door off the hinges. I knew then that I was in trouble!

He is now 10 going on 16. He has a teen attitude and 13 is still 3 years away! He thinks he knows how to drive, heaven help me! And I don't think it is going to get any better because this baby of mine is always going to find something to get into! I just had a security system installed. It must be disarmed before any outside doors are opened...how long before the police know my son's name very well? Anyone care to place bets?!

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